Two faces of humanity

My dear all!
Yesterday was a day of two extremes, of two faces of humanity, it was quite an experience...
We started the morning at Tuol Sleng prison (also known as S-21), a place I thought I would never set foot, and yet there I was, facing the thousands of scared faces, black and white, people looking into their horrible deaths after being imprisoned by the Khmer Rouge soldiers...
Between 1975 and 1979 over 2 million people (a quarter of the population) perished under the regime of Pol Pot. I had read about it for my course of Culture, Violence, Trauma and Reconciliation and the horrible stories and testimonies I had read all came back to me while I was standing between those walls of Tuol Sleng. After my visit I wrote a few words, that now sound very strong, maybe too strong, but still I think I want to share them:
"My heart aches, my eyes want to shut themselves, my feelings do not want to feel.
How dare these gardens be green and how dare the birds sing? Why have they not forever turned grey, dead, in honour of those who perished here?
Why does the sun still feel warm and the breeze soft? Why do we whisper, why do we not scream?
How has this city gone on after this? Is it forgotten, forgiven or forbidden memory?
My stomach turns with pictures I do not want to see, no, I want to see, no, I don't...
How can these doors, of tiny cells, now hanging open but once definitely shut, have something almost beautiful about them in the light shining through barred windows? How dare they?
How can these gardens have something peaceful when they once have been filled by screams of which even the memory can chill to the bone?
Is this a place to keep in your heart with compassion, forgiveness and respect, or is it a place to expel from your heart forever?
Is accepting and forgiving legitimate?
I. Don't. Know..."

However depressing it was, it is part of this city, part of this country, and part of the world. People have done the most horrible things to each other...they still do...But what is so incredible about Cambodia and about Phnom Penh is that it is only 30 years ago and yet the city is an exotically and lively center of life...The most bizarre smells drift by, varying from the odor of my dog when he has rolled himself in a since long dead animal, to incense and spices. On the market colorful and beautiful vegetables mix with half dead fish on metal plates, pieces of meat full of flies, smelly durians and big piles of eggs! Through all this dogs sniff, kids play, scooters pass by and people bargain. Above them one pole sustains thousands of electricity wires that in more and less secure ways provide electricity to this city. Scooters beep, cars and trucks snore, tuk-tuk drivers shout "Lady? Tuk-tuk?", tourist answer "no thanks!", kids beg "lady? postcard?" tourists turn their heads away and say "no thank you". Mobile phones ring or play the last hits on that characteristic high pitched tone, and somewhere the calm figure of a bright orange monk moves through the chaos. And somewhere in the back of your head you think: 30 years ago this city was dead, literally dead...

But yesterday night we saw the other face of humanity: We went to a modern Apsara show. The Apsara dance is the very elegant and traditional classical dance of Cambodia, but the place we went combined this with shadow theater and circus, it was absolutely AMAZING!!!! I haven't been completely mesmerized by a dance before, but this was really really good! Not all the performers were exceptional, but some of them really were :) The elegance, the strength and the way they moved...I would go again every night of this week if only they performed :)
And so it came that we rode home (I still love tuk-tuks!) with a big smile, wondering how something so beautiful and fragile has survived with so much strength.

This morning we dipped into the horrors again visiting the killing fields were too much people were killed with an ax in their necks, hands tight behind the back, knees on the dirt in front of a mass grave and blindfolded. Children were hold by their legs and smashed against a tree...
How? Why? Questions without reasonable answers...

But the city carries on with her busy life and we dived into the so called Russian Market to stroll through mini corridors packed with people and goods, happy to be in Cambodia in 2010 and not in the 1970's...
Tomorrow is our last day in this city of contrasts, Tuesday we say goodbye to Ilse who flies back while we venture by bus into the next destination: Vietnam!

Much love for you all!

Phnom Penh traffic :)

Phnom Penh from a rooftop

Royal Palace

Sterre being Zen in the tropical rain

Tuol Sleng Prison

The doors of the cells now hanging open but once definitely shut

Modern Apsara

Horrid killing fields

Russian Market